Panic?

So what’s this all about? I think for a while now, I’ve been in panic mode. Worrying excessively over the future, over-analyzing and burdening myself with worry. Consider some of my previous articles where I expand on and detail my past experiences and failures. How they’ve dramatically shifted my life course from how I thought it would be, to how it actually ended up becoming. Sipping my really really dark cup of coffee this morning as I’m about to re-dive into html and css I realize maybe I’ve got this all wrong.

Maybe my “failures” aren’t failures per se?

Not yet at least. I still have two more semesters in school. I can theoretically and quite realistically graduate with a second class lower in chemical engineering…probably. I just need to edge out the carryovers(no small feat I can tell you) and make up a +1.12 cgpa difference. This isn’t necessarily going to be easy. I will be taking roughly 28 or something units in my first semester and in the second I would have my research project to work on. This is going to be challenging because of the scheduling issues primarily and secondary would probably be the workload. However in some ways my cgpa should not define who I am nor should it be an indicator of where my life is headed. Or at the very least it should not be the ONLY one. CGPAs are important after all, they show who was working hard and learning the course content best. People with high cgpas should be entitled to the limited resources and opportunities available because they have demonstrated talent, competence and understanding among other virtues. I haven’t gotten a chance at those opportunities, for example a really amazing company to do my industrial training, because I’m in a lot of ways unworthy of them. I’m probably not going to get any scholarships to pursue a Masters degree outside of Nigeria, loool so we can throw that out the window quite efficiently. If I work really really hard these next few semesters I have and max out all that can probably be maxed out as I have done before I could see maybe a small miracle? I hope I can get lucky unlike last semester. I hope the system co-operates ever so slightly and enables my efforts to show just a little bit.

I want to believe that this time I can really really do it. Maybe this isn’t true. Maybe my efforts will not equate to results but I feel like I still have an opportunity here. I have a place that demands something of me, no matter the difficulty. A place that requires I fulfill certain requirements that will mould my character and personality. A place that can however inefficiently put a grade on my level of comprehension and mastery over a body of knowledge and skill. Perhaps this is idealistic. It probably is. However this is the way I see it. Not as some insurmountable curse upon my being but a chance to develop qualities that would otherwise not be developed unless subject to extreme conditions that required a tempered will. I see this as a chance to grow further and find more for myself both externally in terms of sweet A’s and internally, mastering my own self.

For the first time, in awhile, I’m itching. Impatient to slay the dragon. How difficult would it be? lol very. More so than any one that has come before I think. A unique trial, requiring creative solutions. I need me a Bachelors of Engineering Degree. :)

All the best,

Haile Lagi

- A budding programmer.

-Hopefully a chemical engineering graduate.